I can choose to sit in bed, watching sex and the city, and thinking like they think on how to deal with a break up. I can go over the facts and make myself feel worse with questions like 'who could he prefer? who could offer him more than I struggled to provide'? or I could just get on with my life and use this as an opportunity. It's no secret that I want to get out of Birmingham. He would of never come with me, so it was doomed anyway. But I feel betrayed, and hurt and I'm allowed to wallow in that for a while.
I won't let it ruin me though. I think I really need to be single. My old rule to getting over a break up is to meet someone else straight away. And despite knowing well that that isn't the sensible option, I think I hurt because he will, or already has, moved on to his new chapter. I feel left behind, powerless and lonely. I don't have a group of friends like sex and the city to pull me together and take me out. I don't really have anyone.
So it is up to myself to get over this like a normal person and stop being so weird about it. My situation provides opportunities to do more things - to be positive about life, to enjoy being single, and by that not having the worry of where your boyfriend is or if he actually even likes you. I need time to focus on myself and my friends, and time to focus socialising with people my own age. I don't have to put up with the constant obvious discoveries and realisations from an 18 year old. I don't have to be patronising one anymore.
I also want to focus on my image again. The gym is going well, though I'm finding it hard to keep eating as much as im supposed to. I get bored of eating the same thing. And I want to eventually get some new clothes and get a new tattoo, something I've been planning for years but always dismissed.
No comments:
Post a Comment