All couple examples listed are defined by actual couples I somehow (?) know.
Greedy Fat Snobby Cunt Couple
They've been together for a while. They're usually in their 40s and my opinion used to be that they should know better then. But I learnt my lesson that age doesn't equal wisdom. So... they are old enough to know better, but they are totally OBNOXIOUS. They are like the gay equivalent of Matilda Wormwood's parents from (you guessed it), Matilda. Good old Roald Dahl. Anyway, yeah, they are awful. The 'woman' guy, clearly the (lazy) bottom of the relationship, is always fatter and taller, shiny and loud. The kind of person who after drunkenly drowning himself in a name dropped bottle of nondescript over-priced fizz, dons a feather boa and 'performs' famous show tunes to a room of other obnoxious 40 something guys while the other guy, the 'man', bravos him on. They both are ridiculous in self maintenance, barely left with any eyebrows, and they both secretly hate each other. They both spend ridiculous amounts of money on stuff yet possess literally no taste. They are always in terrible debt however, the dirtiest secret to their life together (dirtier than the weird gas-mask sex and anonymous threesomes in Marbella).. But they simply can't live without their Clarins and Champagne, darling. Oh fuck off. How do you even have sex with each other?
Emo Fags
I hate these because I used to have to work with a guy who was basically going out with his twin brother, and spending a working day with just one of them nearly drove me to spontaneous suicide but whatever. These emo fags are a bit dated now but let me assure you, they still exist. They walk among us, strangely, as they never go out. They hang out with each other constantly, because the reason they're together and have exact matching hair, clothes and 'personalities' is because they are too socially inept and physically freakish looking to develop what their real personality and life should of been. They spend their time playing computer games and role playing with swords in forests and shit. They piss me off because together you get a double dose of hostile smugness, but let them have that, they need to reassure themselves that at least they aren't that much of a sad twat on their own. Sadly for me, I'm inflicted with two sad twats at once, which is ironic, because when they are alone together, it must be hard to tell whether they are together or just leaning on a mirror.
Just Plain Weird
They kiss a lot in public, they are literally in a bubble with each other, and always try to out-weird each other in front of you. They are extremely awkward, you want to slap them. They are actually really boring people, and quite like the emo fags I mentioned, but instead of computer games, they fly kites or collect gherkins or something stupid. They smell off, and seem completely and happily oblivious to anyone on the outside of their world. Weirdly, I see this type of couple at parties, often wondering how they even know the people there, let alone managed to be invited. These couples also always shock me with the longevity of their relationship, as usually they already look really young. They talk to you in a distant kind of lazy way that implies that they simply don't need to get to know you. Fuck off.
PR/Media types
You don't actually know them, but you do because they broadcast their joint lame sense of humour that always involves tagging each other and hash tagging each other constantly. They refer to each other as 'other halves' but don't seem to look right together. They drink gin, live in town, are ignorant arrogant fucks who drink too much and become even more obnoxious when drunk, wear terrible t-shirts and jeans from Topman and Hollister. They barely speak to each other on a night out, but you know they have freaky dildo sex with each other, and they never last that long together, but when they start to, their dickhead friends publicly congratulate them on Facebook and throw them parties you can go to so you can be ignored.
Boring International Photo Couple
They take a lot of photos because they travel round with each other everywhere, and they take photo's of the wing of the planes they fly on. They want the world to know that together, they are travelling around and are international, darling, one is different to the other, and we are IN THE AIR. They are almost kin to the PR/Media types. They have greedy tendencies and are often very smug and arrogant together as a duo, yet can be OK caught alone. They spend their time believing that jet setting around and constantly being on holiday transcends them above people who 'don't travel'. They photograph their food a lot and have no friends.
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