post for life

So yesterday, my parents turn up, with new tea towels and tools to put up the frame of my futon. They know I can't put a futon frame or carry on like I am on my own. I need help no matter what I say. And it's true. While my mother cleaned my kitchen, in the way mothers do, making everything look immaculate so easily, I made coffees and we ate chocolate muffins and I had another bacon bagel and more orange juice. I was relieved that my ex from another era had gone, and was relieved also that I didn't let the whole thing get me down. It's made me realise how different I am, and how glad I am to be this different. I am no way as near as destructive as I was when I was younger, and I am not saying I am perfect, but I realised how much more of a decent person I have become, and I feel lucky that I am now rational and not as easily depressed by things. In fact, I shock myself at how positive I can be on something. I can recognise the two decisions I could take with how I felt after the complete fail of a hook-up with someone I used to know, and understood that my actions were that of remnant desperation for intimacy, acceptance and attention, but I automatically took the positive route to learn from it and use it to make myself a better person instead of what I would usually do which would be to wallow and pity myself and feel oh so unlucky in love. 

After the bed/sofa futon was assembled and the kitchen was cleaned and I had tidied round, I collected my clothes to be washed and accepted that my parents super luxurious apartment was just going to have to be that warm beacon I must use every now and then to keep my sanity topped up. In the car, on the way back, it was going dark and turning left at the crossroads in the middle of Moseley village towards Kings Heath took me past a Washeteria - a laundrette much nearer and nicer looking than the one I trapzed to last Wednesday and getting there to find out it was closed due to 'Half Day Wednesday'. The one we drove past was brightly lit and still open at 6 pm. It looked massive and bright. It sounds awfully sad, but when we drove past mom said 'oh is that the laundrette' and I said 'No! the one I go to is much further away' and felt so happy that I almost cried because now I knew that my days off wouldn't have an hour and a half struggling to Kings Heath looking like a tramp laden with bags of clothes, that I could go into Moseley and take me half the time and go to that cool coffee place while I wait. Or even just go home, and then go back with more stuff. I felt like things were all falling into place with everything, and that going back to my parents apartment for the night was a nice treat to look forward to.

At the apartment my washing was being put in to be done. There was a lot of it, and embarrassingly, underwear that was so rancid I wouldn't let my mom touch it. Some of it had been worn for days. I haven't had the chance to clean anything and I don't have a lot at the moment. I had a bath and began to read The Perks of Being a Wallflower again because the film has been released but this time I didn't enjoy the first few pages, it reminded me of a time and a place and then of a certain person that I just want to forget. It reminds me of hipsters and people with mild emotional problems who think everything is really unfair. It reminds me of Vans shoes with crap jeans and stupid sweaters from the early 90s. It reminds me of pathetic young people, despite it being a good book. 

After my bath we had dinner together, and even the cat joined in and had a bite. The pork chops were so succulent, and the new steak knives so sharp, that cutting into the chops was like slicing butter. Everything was delicious, and the greens were vibrant. I have lacked health and so these days, greens are a treat! I eat pizza's, doughnuts and sugary sweets every day. Sometimes that's all I eat. At work I only drink tea. I feel tea is what helps me get through the day. I'd like to start drinking mineral water instead. Or at least herbal tea with honey. I want my health to become more of a priority alongside work. 

I watched some of Downton Abbey after dinner, which seemed dull and unoriginal, like something down the road from Gosford Park. I wasn't paying attention and played on the iPad. My mom then bought me a fridge online which is going to be delivered on Wednesday. Then she gave me 50 pounds for the wooden bamboo style clothes rail I want from the Futon Company. I am not going to argue or say no, this time I am just going to let them help me. 

I then read about my starsign forecasts for the year and for the month. Apparently Saturn has just left Libra under my sign, where it has been for the past 3 years. This apparently is BAD. Or was bad. Anyway, things are going to get a lot easier for me from now on and won't expect difficulty like I have done for the last 3 years until 2039. Phew. As for love, well, apparently I could meet someone in October or November, but the chances aren't too high. I'm fine with that. It said that you're most likely going to be find love through involvement at work, and I unless I suddenly turn for Kyle, I can't really see myself with a dumpy, immature 16 year old. Errr definitely no.