This week has been terrible. Christmas is a farce. I can't focus at work and I'm doing too many drugs now just to get me through this week. If you work or have ever worked in retail, then this week is pretty much the worst week of the year, as you know, and like me, you probably have your doubts about the reliability of Christmas providing 'cheer' and 'goodwill'.
I feel the week's woes are grouped into three sections: one is the work woe and the notion of a retail Christmas, complete with cunty customers and literally no help from my colleagues. One colleague has taken it upon herself to act like she's in charge, throwing her excessive weight around, in a small black blazer that she thinks says 'I'm in charge'. The person who actually is in charge was lucky enough to have a 4 day break over Christmas. Apparently, having a boyfriend warrants extra time. I feel discriminated against. I was at work till half 8 on Christmas Eve putting out sale stuff, struggling to keep it together and stay awake at the same time. I'm back in at 9 a.m Boxing Day, finishing off what I was too tired to finish from Christmas Eve, trying to remember everything, just to give the ungrateful public their stinking soap. Consumerism at its most vulgar is basically what I see Christmas as now. And now that it's over, and for those of you who think it isn't, I feel very sorry for you (cos you clearly need to fill your life with some invalid festive bollocks for some sad reason relating to your broken personality) I can get on with my life and never have to speak about it ever again.
The second woe of this week from Christmas Hell are my family problems. I feel my family is falling apart. I can't bring myself to accept how my father talks to me. I hate being around him. I can't stand the feeling of abandoning my mother. Mostly though I feel slightly guilty about just deserting my entire family completely. They all think they can get away with telling people what to do ALL the time. The worst are my brothers, I feel so ashamed of them all. Disgusting, chauvinistic mess drinkers with extreme violent tendencies and aggressive competitive streaks, like skid marks down their faces they think winning a conflict involves smashing a face as far in as a brainless fist can go, right in, yeah - well yeah! I'm fed up of it I don't belong to a world or a family where violence is the answer frankly they can all just go FUCK THEMSELVES.
My third woe is a little more reflective and depressing. A good friend of mine, one who I may of mentioned before who has cancer has decided to not carry on with chemo and has about a year to live. I will not say any more to that. It's personal and I feel it is my duty to help and support him. I will do anything.
After New Year I am going on a detox, and January will consist of good and productive activities. Apart from detoxing, and healing and resting, I will be preparing for the Big Move and also learning about A New Faith, a new belief system, earthy and rooted to the world and my energies and the way I live my life. I will also be employing the Canadian during January to train me on how to manage my money. I am still debating whether or not to buy a camera with my £800 tax reward.
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