and I said thank you, your hair is so beautiful

In a month's time it will be 3 years that I started writing here. Master Bracknell originally started off as a photo blog with snippets of detail about my life. Back then, things seemed happier. I think looking back, my problems weren't as serious, they were usually just about boys or my bad habits, yet they still were problems to me. I wish they were still my problems. I've had to deal with much worse since, especially in this last year. But it's okay now. I want to go back to the way things were 3 years ago, on here and in my life. A real fresh start.

I say this because this week someone new has started reading my blog. I don't advertise it out, I don't have the link published anywhere and I hope to god no one in my family reads it. I know that Hayley reads it because I not only value her opinion on my style of writing but people like her who I am close to I like to feel know me completely through this. I place my trust in certain people, and when I see them, instead of awkwardness and knowing, I feel closer to them in a way which is like no other, and seeing as I am not physically affectionate, it's kind of my way of being so. When choosing who I want to read this, I choose carefully, giving them the option to possibly ask. Only intelligent and open minded friends would understand this 'bare all' exposure online. My blog has fallen into the wrong hands of some people, but then, it's served as useful protection and as a way to defend myself.

I met a new friend in Brighton who I have wonderful conversation with and who for a living is a life coach. I have kept in touch with him via email, and having read some of my blog, he made comment which spurred me onto to read back on everything in the past. I then thought that this huge past 8 week update was something quite negative, and that Master Bracknell had become this place to unravel so much pain, and yes that has been helpful, and yes it can be painful to read, but I don't feel like I'm in that place anymore. I don't need to write about anything else that happened this summer, it happened, you know about it, and it's the past. I need to look forward, I've learnt that about myself, it's an important thing to do: move forward.

I know things are getting better. I'm feeling better. I'm excited but cautious. I want to laugh. I'm interested in fashion and my looks again. I'm out of that trampy slutty summer phase now. I'm shaving and washing my hair again. I'm excited to get on with things. And I've lost interest in recounting the events of this summer eloquently. My friend's email made me realise this. He said something that clicked just now, and this blog has helped me overcome traumas and troubles, but I think I am better from it all now, and I am ready to move on steady and realistic, and to post my daily ideas and events and photos for what the main reason this blog was all about: to develop my writing and to show off my photography.

Thank you!