Give me something cheap, not enough sleep, which one do I keep? My nitelife in the 2nd City

According to Hayley, Gatecrasher's 5th Birthday consisted of music that could of been 'just one long, repetitive song', over priced drinks served in plastic cups and girls who prefer to believe class exists in the wardrobes of prostitutes and porn stars. I didn't go because I already knew it would be like that. It's just a shame Hayley had to pay £30 for a ticket so she could confirm this to me.

 In a preferable basement somewhere

The night before, I was with Wiggy and Goggy drinking a lot in the Village and playing with each other's nipples as predicted. After Goggy vomited blood we decided to go to Chic, our favourite club. It will always be my favourite and the only club I will go to in Birmingham now. At least the slags in there are friendly. That could just be the drugs though.

 

It wasn't terribly busy, and it makes no sense. But then I realised I wouldn't want to persuade outsiders to try out our club, spoiling it for everyone by being complete assholes (or just by being themselves, same difference). They should stay with their own kind, in a superclub that caters for a vast crowd that doesnt know any better, and do not want to know any better.

The confusing thing about it is they're having a part two on the 12th (same DJs). They make so much money, as tickets were sold out this weekend. This comforts me in the knowledge that for one night only the majority of Birmingham's twat-elite will be all tightly confined into one space. I did however laugh when Hayley marveled at the thought that some unlucky twat would be crying they didn't get a ticket in time, when she had one and didn't even want to be there. Let's hope they do us all a favour and stay on Broad Street, or better still, go home.

Home early so Goggy could sift through the sieve of disease that is Grindr while I dutifully took a very long confusing phone call from my Scottish ex boyfriend.