Once in Royal David's Ghetto

Work's going well. Bad luck hasn't destroyed the urge to work. In fact, it's making me want to work more. I get a lot from it. I suppose the only thing at the moment is that I am at that typical stage where you start to carve a little bit of dignity and confidence for yourself but then suddenly something happens and you're back being made to feel like the lowest ranking of the group. I suppose I should concentrate harder on keeping myself to myself. I'm impressing the people that matter, and I'm really nice to everyone.

However, I honestly don't feel a thing about Christmas. For the past 4 years, Christmas has been a joke. It's not brought me peace or feelings of happiness. It's a constant reminder of how poor I am. It highlights other people's suffering and sadness. I just think of how lonely some people are around this time, and how many people kill themselves. It's really depressing thing considering it's all based around the birth of a person who none of us know was real or not, in a religion that no one I really know are part of.

I wanted to embrace Christmas this year. I thought I could be won back by it. I wanted to theme each post this December with something Christmassy. And I think I will, in vain maybe, but I can't guarantee that I will be with you having a holly jolly wank of a time. Sorry.

I am looking forward to the staff Christmas party, because I want to see what everyone is like in a social context, and I want to socialise with new people, and I really want a drink and a cigarette, it's been that long.