Thinking about changing the lay out/look of this blog. I want it to be less plain and boring.
Had a dream last night that a friend of mine (who I no longer speak to) got a new boyfriend. I was so happy for her that I forced her to go and get him immediately so I could meet him. I hope it is prophetic, despite this friend not being that much of a good friend anymore.
I previously wrote a lot about my week that's just gone by and the things that have happened, but I deleted it all because I was just harping on about how great I was feeling and stuff that I usually go on about. Basically I was writing in a way when you know someone else is now reading. So I regained composure and deleted it all and just thought about what I really want to write about, and who I really am. I've got to remember to not lose sight of the fact that I only write this blog for myself, no matter what responses, good or bad, I get from it.
I know that there are certain things that I don't need to write about on here any more. What's said is now said. I needed to be able to revisit the facts every time I started to lose focus. I certainly won't ever refer to that part of my life or that person ever again. I don't need to. But I feel concerned now that whatever I write on here now will mean more nasty, abusive messages from The Bully. I will change my number eventually, but who's to say that someone like that won't send me messages on here, or Facebook, or to my email? I'm not getting upset, because I know better, but I am now concerned as I get the feeling this is a bit out of control, a bit scary.
ANYWAY, last week was great, doesn't even touch how bad this week has been. Yet I feel fine. Almost a sort of feeling or purgatory. The beginning of last week was sad because I was at the flat on my own and this and that was gone. I saw ___ on Tuesday and he cheered me up. Then on the Wednesday I hung out with Daisy. We caught up, went to Bodega and then took photos at a spooky graveyard near her home. She gave me a spare kettle very kindly and I went off on my way. Thursday I was busy at work interviewing but was shamelessly persuaded to go to the Gale with Mark. Then on Friday I met up with Kay and went to the Lord Clifden. On Saturday I went to Chic with Sophie and on Sunday I met up with ___ in town again and had lunch and spent the day enjoying the weather and having a lot of fun. Monday I thought would be difficult, but when I was at work it was fine.
This week took a nasty turn. I can't write much about it because it is about work, and I don't want to take any more risks with work, I know how deceitful people can be. All I will say though is that I am shocked at how someone who appeared to be completely different to my face has gone out of their way to basically get me into a lot of trouble. And when you get into that much trouble where I work, they usually sack you, or at least make you jump.
I mulled this over with ___ on Tuesday night, whilst having dinner. Dinner was really good and I was impressed at what he cooked. I also tried avocado and radish for the first time. Not bad. Anyway, I found out that night that I've got a job interview in London, so I have a glimmer of hope perhaps. I'm trying my best to just look positively at everything, to understand all situations and to treat them how I want to be treated and I truly believe in karma. I didn't do anything wrong at all to warrant this sort of trouble at work, however, this might be what I need to move on to something much better. It's definitely inspired me to apply for more jobs anyway. I can't work in a company where their employees, for whatever reason, will backstab you and bad mouth you to your managers, when they have only met you once.
The rest of the week has been a sunny blur. I have been feeling really demotivated and bored. I am very tired. I am back at my parents looking after the house enjoying the luxuries. I actually can't wait to move back home. It will be my last summer in the house I grew up in. It means a lot to me, and I will spend 2 or 3 months if I am still here, living there and saving my money back up. I love it here and I miss my parents. I never thought I'd want to come back. I know I've got to move away and be grown up and I've done it before. But I love my parents and I love my home and it means more to me than anything really. I'm never going to let anyone ever make me think otherwise.
Anyway, it's my day off. I am off to meet someone. I am going to nandos and then I am going to look into booking a tattoo for my birthday.
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